Changing Winds

"Wow, the winds are really changing!" said the person without a face.

In my dreams, I never see actual faces, just figures (it's like that when I'm reading, too. I can picture the characters, but don't get down to the nitty gritty details. Maybe my brain is just working too fast and glosses over that part).

The other night, I was having a really elaborate dream, one that I quickly forgot. But there was one part that stuck with me after waking up, and has been rattling around my brain ever since. The part I remember was that I was outside taking a walk, and it was a windy day. Then, all of a sudden, the skies open up and spun the breeze like a top, shifting me to another direction, so much that I was physically moved to face the new path. That's when the faceless person (mentioned above) appeared, commenting about the winds, and quickly left.

I woke up, knowing that something was going to change. And you know what, I actually knew what it was.

Lately, I've been feeling restless. Life has been humming along, but at times I feel like I could burst. And I guess people typically follow that sort of a phrase with a really suspenseful "...and I'm not sure why." But I do know why. Don't we all, deep down?

I haven't been writing.

I have so many stories and songs in my brain that sometimes it feels like they are about ready to burst out. Random memories from childhood or thoughts will pop into my head, and I make a mental note to not forget them before I can write them down. But I haven't done it yet.

Why wouldn't I just do it?

Well, I have been putting it off until I'm finished with everything else, which never happens. When is a mom all caught up? Spending the day keeping up with life; you need to schedule this or that, make dinner, clean, call this person, and by the end of the day, your momentum is gone.

I've also been feeling like people don't want to read what I write. I mean, who takes time to really read anymore? We spend all this time on our phones (myself included) but skip things that take a few minutes. We've been trained to get that hit of dopamine, and scroll on.

Oh, and add in good old seasonal depression. I just haven't felt like it.

And what if it isn't good? That's the question we all ask ourselves when we put ourselves out there. I have hesitated to post, thinking that what I write isn't very polished.

We are all unsure of ourselves at times, even when we don't show it.

Isn't it funny how we stop doing the things we enjoy even though we know it's good for us? The old quote about getting out of our own way really kicks in.

So here goes. I'm just going to put my writing out into the world, whether it's perfect or not. I have so many stories to tell (tune in soon for a few about coyotes) and they might not be the best work, but might as well hit the ground running.

I wonder who the person in my dream was. They seemed very invested in the winds changing. If I could ask this person without a face, he or she might say, "What do you have to lose?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4RjJKxsamQ