The Funny Thing about Being Sad

We've all seen those pictures of someone sitting on the beach, complete with a huge grin, book, and obligatory floppy hat. Maybe even a foot picture sprinkled in. Complete bliss, amirite? Well, we all know looks can be deceiving.

Last summer, we were lucky enough to go on a beach vacation. The sun was out, there was a nice breeze, and I was sitting in my beach chair with my feet in the sand. The kids were playing and laughing nearby. I kept thinking I should be enjoying the moment, but I just felt lonely. I sat and cried. Why wasn't I able to enjoy myself?

Kind of like the Bluey episode where Mum tries sitting down at the beach but gets up and says "I don't know how to relax." Great episode, by the way. Love me some Bluey.

So why wasn't I feeling joyous? I had been having a rough few months and was just feeling off. There were a lot of changes going on in my life and I was just not feeling it. I felt stressed out and just kind of "blah."*see note below

I felt like something was wrong with me because I wasn't feeling happy.

But what is "happy," exactly? Do we really know? What is that elusive feeling that we are taught at a young age to always have? There have been some great new books and podcasts about happiness (check the bottom for some resources).

At the end of fairy tales, you hear about "happily ever after," a phrase which I have come to despise. As a kid, I thought that was how life was supposed to end up, but didn't think what that really meant. So the characters frolicked around all day with smiles plastered to their faces? It just sounds bizarre and kind of funny if you think about it.

I recently read a book called Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, a concentration camp survivor and psychologist. Now if there's ever a person to talk about feelings of sorrow, it would be him. While his story was tragic, this book was also very uplifting because it painted a picture of triumph over darkness, and the strength of the human spirit. But something he said in the foreward struck a chord.

Frankl wrote, " Don't aim at success- the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it."

So, what's the funny thing about being sad? We all are, but no one wants to talk about it. Obviously, we don't want to go around all day complaining and moping around; but I think if people shared their true feelings a little more, it wouldn't be such a stigma to have negative ones. Maybe we're trying too hard to live up to a standard that is impossible, and chasing perfection.

Because forcing a smile doesn't mean you're happy.

I always enjoy a good floppy hat picture, but life isn't a beach, and if we just come to terms with it, maybe we could give ourselves a break. If we didn't try to force it, "happiness," or a sense of inner peace, would come naturally.

And maybe next time I'm on the beach, I can just relax and enjoy the moment. I hope Bluey's mum can too.

Hayley

*For those "experiencing a long stretch of feeling down" AKA depression- that's a whole different story (and future blog post). If you feel like you don't want to do anything, have no energy, or feel apathetic about things you used to enjoy, please don't deal with that alone and get help. It's okay and you will feel better, I promise. More to come on that at a later time. You're not alone, I love you, and you got this.

Some extra resources on this topic:

Build the life You Want by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey

Mel Robbins podcast- Episode 79: Happiness is an Option for You https://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-79

Let's not forget Bluey! "Relax" Season 3, Episode 40